Smells like teen spirit

When Friendster announced it will cease its operation, we all ran like mad to our computers to log-in and save what we shared on the earliest form of social networking. I would have done the same, if I remembered what my email-password combination was. So I let the testi and photos go into cyberspace black hole, never to be seen again (I think.).

Another early social platform will be closing down soon – this time it’s my old personal favorite, Multiply. According to them, the e-commerce side will remain, but the blogs and the photos need to be rescued. Before it became the Marketplace that it is now, it was ‘Friendster-plus’ – you add friends, upload albums and best of all, it had a Journal feature. And that was where my ‘official’ handle – annacg – was born. 

My Multiply journal will say a lot. It was the most personal that I can get in an online journal, but I’ve kept most of the entries private [I just don’t know if their privacy settings years ago still work the same]. I’m going through them now – nakakahiya na nakakaiyak! Haha!

Here are some of my favorite posts for reminiscing’s sake:

‘Because She’s Bad’ – March 24, 2008
She’s been warned not to fall.

She was told not to feel anything.

But still she did. 

She avoided it, but wanted it at the same time.

She couldn’t believe herself, either.

But still she did.

She’d look forward to nights he’d be her’s.

She would wish those nights turn not into day.

But still they did.

She knows it’s wrong.

She knows it would not last that long.

But still she insists.

She misses the messages.

She misses the phone conversations.

But still she’s hopeful.

She looks forward to that day when he returns.

She feels that things will be somewhat the same.

But still she worries.

Listening to that damn soundtrack,

it takes her back to that day,

that time in space she’d want to replay

over and over again.

How she wishes it was longer

How she wishes his scent lingered.

But it’s not a regret at all,

for that day was one of her happiest

and made her even more fall.
‘How Do You Stop This Roller Coaster?’ – June 3, 2008
Some are afraid. Some dare.
They test their limits 
and throw caution to the air.

It starts out slow, then picks up speed.
Before you know it
you hardly feel your feet.
It spins, twirls, loops
it takes you so high,
to the ground you can’t dare look.
A natural high, the ultimate sugar rush
your heart beats faster
your feel your lungs about to crash.

But this is not a ride.
This is the real thing —
it’s called love and life.
It has infinite loops,
heart-stopping drops.
And it’s not yet about to stop.

A second you’re high,
the next you’re low,
it goes on that way, so don’t you let go.
Hold on tight 
this is the best and the fastest ride.
Scream if you want, cry if you must.

Still, some don’t last.
They chicken out after all that rush.
Some continue to ride against their heart,
and a chosen few ride again from the very start.
This ride don’t stop
it just sweeps you right back.

Don’t be afraid. Let go of your fears.
It’s all part of it: screams, laughters and tears.
Let the tracks take you to wherever
you’ll never know what you’ll discover.
Don’t be like the rest who just choose to watch
who never get to feel the adrenaline rush.

Take it from me who just rode this ride,
and don’t you dare make it stop.

*’Meantime Girl’ – May 28, 2008 (taken from a friend’s blog)
What’s a Meantime Girl?

She’s the one you call when you’re bored because she can make you laugh. She’s the one you talk to when you’re feeling down because she’s willing to sit beside you, lend an ear and be a friend in spite of her very busy schedule.

She’s not the one you call when you need a date to your college friends’ get-together or go out with on a Saturday night. She’s the one you spend time with when your girl’s not around. You know, “the one” who keeps you around in the meantime.

She’s not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don’t look at her as a “real woman” either. You don’t think she’s good enough to be seen in that light. She’s too clumsy; too easily amused by the things little girls are amused by. And you’re too comfortable with her that she doesn’t make you feel nervous or excited the way a “real woman” does.

 But she’s cool and nice and witty and attractive enough that when you’re lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she’ll do just fine. You don’t have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already. You don’t have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You’re not trying to get anything of substance out of her.

She’s not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she’ll give you the intimacy you need.  And you know that you don’t have to explain yourself or the situation…that she’ll be able to cope up with the fact that this isn’t the beginning of a relationship or that there’s any possibility that you’ll have any real romantic feelings for her.  It won’t bother her that you’ll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye and continue your lives as if it’s nothing.

But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably won’t because to you the situation between the two of you isn’t important enough to merit any real thought) you know it’s really not fair. Although you know that she would NEVER SAY IT, it hurts her to know that you think she’s not good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it’s mostly her fault. Because she never really have to give in to you, she can play hard to get like most girls do if she really wanted to. But she didn’t.

Simply because she’s different. She doesn’t stand-out with her beauty, nor open doors with her charm. She’s just her.  She has her own way of doing things and showing her care that the male population failed to understand. Whatever the reason, somehow life gave her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains the forever friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover  and you go on flaunting your goddess who somehow has everything you wanted (or you think you want) in a woman.

She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact she may have a bigger and more loving heart than any woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a front row seat to the mess that is your life and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile in you because although you have given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

She may never want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she definitely wants to turn somebody’s head. She wants to be special to someone too. We all do…

Anyway, yeah. I’M A MEANTIME GIRL. I’ve been one more times than I care to admit. I don’t know the reason, really, and at this point, I don’t even care. I just want to let YOU know that though you never see me as a REAL WOMAN, I AM A WOMAN and I’M REAL. And though I may appear to be strong and tough, I cry too. A lot. And someday, you might never see me around.

‘I Want You (a villanelle)’ – March 7, 2008
Just to prove to people who think Boys’ Night Out is nothing but “kalokohan”, this villanelle was actually inspired by Slick Rick during their Sense & Style live interview. His answer to the question what are the (three?) words you most like said to you (or something like that) was where the idea for this poem came from. 

I recited this for our Poetry Reading finals for Creative Writing 🙂

All alone I stare at a starless sky.
Lost is the magic without your presence.
Tonight, all I want is you. Don’t ask why.

To equal you no one could ever try.
My heart is a dark void in your absence.
All alone I stare at a starless sky.

Your angelic voice echoes in my mind
And the wind brings to me your lovely scent.
Tonight, all I want is you. Don’t ask why.

To be near you and feel you, my heart cries.
No moon to tell of your irridescence.
All alone I stare at a starless sky.

I wish my thoughts of you, I wish they fly.
For I can no longer wait, I’ve no patience.
Tonight, all I want is you. Don’t ask why.

I can’t wait to look back into those eyes.
To be with you in all your innocence.
All alone I stare at a starless sky.
Tonight, all I want is you. Don’t ask why.

I was going through the rest of the entries – nakakahiya talaga yung iba! And I would NEVER forget the ‘drama’ that started with a blog entry and almost reached demandahan-levels. If that happened today, I’d be a social media persona non grata. I miss being that candid. I still try to but I guess your ‘voice’ changes throughout the years. 
Thank you, Multiply for being my emotional shock-absorber. I will really rescue those posts once the Multiply staff give instructions how to, and maybe post them here from time to time. 


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